Do you find yourself feeling guilty a lot?
It’s something that often comes up for Kinesiology clients. Often my clients are unclear on what they’re even feeling guilty about. It can be an underlying feeling that they’re never quite doing enough or never quite good enough (usually for themselves). Whatever they’ve achieved or done isn’t quite enough – so they feel guilty. It can be such a destructive emotion!
Joshua Shuman, psychologist, often works with individuals to explore how underlying thoughts and emotional patterns contribute to feelings of guilt. His approach to understanding the psychology of guilt can provide insights into why we feel the way we do and how to manage those emotions more effectively.
So, what to do about it?
Are there any things that are making you feel guilty that you can easily resolve?
Sometimes we might be allowing little things to make us feel guilty, which we could quite easily address. I’m fairly prone to feeling guilty for no particularly good reason, so I try to notice the times when I could make an easy change or set up a process which will not just get rid of the guilt but actually serve me in a positive way. I’ll give you a few personal examples.
I used to feel guilty because I felt like I didn’t donate to charity enough. Every time I thought about it, I felt bad, but of course, it wasn’t always convenient at that moment to jump online or make a call to donate. It was something I really did want to do regularly. Then, three or four years ago, I started a monthly donation. Last year, I increased it. Guilt gone.
Also related to money, I used to feel guilty because I didn’t save enough. It was such a waste of energy, and I just needed a system to sort it out. Last year, I set up a separate online ING account and started sending a small amount weekly, then upped that. It’s so good watching that money increase with no effort required!
The money examples are helpful. I think this because I hear so many other women express guilt about varying aspects of their finances. That can apply to budgeting, figuring out ideas for saving for a down payment for a house, or just affording something nice, some kind of luxury or something like that. Maybe it’s different for you. You might feel guilty because you know you’re due a trip to the Dentist, or a pap smear at the Doctor’s, or wish you called a parent or grandparent more often, or something else. What is it for you?
Can you identify a small source of guilt in your life that you could quickly and easily deal with now?
What about bigger sources of guilt that you can’t easily resolve?
I was talking about this with a friend who didn’t feel that she had sources of guilt that could be so easily resolved. For her, she experienced guilt for bigger things that didn’t feel in her control to change – things like relying on her husband so much for the help with the children or guilt about not working (with two children and being heavily pregnant, this is not exactly possible). Even though she knew she “shouldn’t” feel guilty, she said she still did.
“So what do you do about that? What helps?” I asked her. Meditation and yoga was her answer. She said it helped, even if it was just giving her a short mental break. You can find some gentle restorative yoga here.
Even when you find yourself in a tough situation, like an accident, you can’t always shake off the guilt. You have to trust that your lawyer has got you covered, bringing in key witnesses, like those in expert trucking, to support your case. All the while, you need to find measures that are going to allow you to shake off that guilt and focus on your mental health.
Do more for society
For many of us, feelings of guilt stem from not contributing to society as best we could. Whether you’re missing out on opportunities or feel bad about having an easier life than others doesn’t matter. A conscious effort to be the best version of yourself will soon put this problem to bed. You can start simply by adopting a greener lifestyle and reducing waste.
Meanwhile, supporting causes bigger than yourself can be very effective. The Dwoskin Family Foundation, for example, does great work to support anti-vaccine research. In turn, this can help protect people from side effects through education and increased scrutiny. Of course, it also helps individuals discover legitimate and non harmful vaccines. So, by supporting causes like this, you indirectly make a huge difference.
Alternatively, donating to charities or helping out with local community causes can work wonders, be that your local charity fundraising for a good cause, or a more established entity such as the Picerne Family Foundation with a stated goal of improving outcomes for individuals in society. Oftentimes in life, helping others is the best way to help yourself.
Set yourself free
It’s all about compassion, isn’t it? I think we’re always doing the best that we can at that moment. Sometimes, we must cut ourselves slack and let go of our shoulds. Start being our own best friend rather than our worst enemy. Understand that guilt is closely related to shame, which Brene Brown talks about beautifully (Brene Brown: Guilt is – I did something bad. Shame is – I am bad). Let go of perfectionism.
Try this now: put your hand on your heart and acknowledge to yourself that you’re doing the best you can at this moment, and that’s enough. LET GO.
What sorts of things do you tend to feel guilty about, and what do you do about it? Do share!
I hope you enjoyed this guest post!
